I was stuck in a very desperate and highly stressful situation. My family was stuck overseas and against all odds, I had managed to secure a place for them in MIQ. The problem was that my wife's extension of travel conditions had expired and despite applying for it more than two months previously, Immigration NZ hadn't opened their mail due to the Auckland Covid 19 lockdown, so it hadn't been processed and we were running out of time fast.
I contact the Immigration Call Centre for the fifth time that week, feeling very stressed out, frustrated and angry. I said things in anger such as swearing and using bad language that I regret. When we are under tremendous stress, we end up saying and doing things that can hurt others. It is not a true representation of the kind of person that I am and I'm sorry for the things that I said. As to be expected, my behavior didn't get me anywhere and the staff weren't able to help me.
The name for this kind of behavior is called emotional flooding. When we are in this state of mind, we make mistakes. These mistakes can include not only saying the wrong thing and damaging our relationships with others but also making bad financial decisions while under extreme pressure that we later regret.
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Physician and Neuroscientist, Paul Maclean provides one possible explanation for this phenomenon in his book, "The Triune Brain in Evolution". The main idea is that our brains are makeup of three different parts; The reptilian brain (Or Crocodile Brain), the emotional brain (or monkey brain) and the neocortex (Or rational part of your brain).
The first part of your brain to develop at the age of around 6 months is your reptilian brain. It is responsible for controlling your reflexes, breathing, heart beat and instincts. Its main function is focusing on your survival. It is not good at things like processing information or strategic planning.
The next part of your brain to develop is your emotional brain. It is where your thoughts and emotions are processed, memories are stored, controls the release of hormones into your body and responds to the threats that your reptilian brain has detected.
The last part of your brain to form is your neocortex or rational part of your brain. It is the part of your brain that uses logic, reasoning and planning to make analytical decisions such weighing up your choices such as pros and cons. It is also where you sense of the real you comes from; your thoughts, dreams, hopes and goals are all formed.
We tend to think the rational brain in us makes all out decisions, but in reality it is mostly there just to control our crocodile or monkey brains and keep them in line.
The problem with emotional flooding is that in highly stressful situations, the animal brains in us hijack or take over our rational brain. The animal brains in us detect a threat to our survival and our rational brain is taken offline. This triggers, the Flight, Flight or Freeze response.
When we are highly stressed about money, the animal brain in us takes over. We blame others for our problems and become angry (and avoid taking personal responsibility for what has happened), we pull all our money out of a good investment in panic (For example, people selling off their shares and switching to bonds during our first Covid 19 lockdown) or we feel so overwhelmed that we feel paralysed and can't take any action at all.
Perhaps you recently went out shopping and spent far more than you can afford. Were your shopping purchases all impulse buys or did you go shopping for a particular item?
The chances are that you were possibly were having a bad day at work and angry with work colleagues or customers. The animal brain in you decided to release that anger by doing some retail therapy. Financially, you are better to calm down and do something else that doesn't involve spending money and wait until the next day before thinking about making the purchase.
If you are highly stressed about your tax debt, blaming others and angry with IRD about your situation, the animal brain in you has taken over and it is running the show.
I recommend trying to calm down and just concentrate on listening to IRD person on the phone. By concentrating on listening, your rational brain comes back online and you won't say things you regret.
As your tax debt fitness coach, I would strongly recommend that I should contact the IRD on your behalf as I don't have the emotional attachment and can offer solutions that make more financial sense.
References
1) www.psychologytoday.com/blog/managing-your-memory/don't listen to your lizard brain.
2)Brad & Ted Klonz - Mind over Money : Overcoming the money disorders that threaten our financial health
3)Money Health Solutions - Dealing with stress of talking about money